Can you thank God for trusting you with this experience even if He never tells you why?

This was the exact message that we heard at church the weekend after learning we had just lost our baby.  I honestly felt like God had a huge spotlight shining down on me, as if He was directly asking me this question.

God has trusted us with circumstances, with broken dreams, and with life's unanswered questions.  He has placed them in our path so that we might learn, mature, and grow as a follower of Jesus Christ.

I have listened to this sermon at least 5 times since first hearing it March 17, 2013.  My initial reaction was "No way...I can never "thank" God for taking our baby away from us".  The pain was so new and excruciating that there was no way to comprehend how God could use this experience for good in our life. 

But, as the weeks and months have passed, I have come to a place in this journey that I do see it as "mostly" good.  I understand that God had to let me go through this experience, to let me feel a pain, sadness, loss, and darkness so deep that my only choice was to bring me to my knees and look up to Him for his comfort, love, strength, peace, and guidance.  The past few months have been a daily test of answering the questions, "Will I trust in God or will I try to take over?" or "Will I submit to God's will or will I try to control?".  God has taken me from a place of wanting to be pregnant again so badly (to the point of desiring my will over His) to finally feeling the peace that comes only when you surrender your life to God, when you fully give Him everything and can truthfully say "Lord, let your will be done, not mine".

 

 

God is calling us to be patient, stand firm on His promises, and establish a heart that is rooted deeply in Jesus Christ.  He is watching us, observing and listening to how we respond in times of suffering.  He is using this season to test our faith so that when we come through this trial we will be more mature and have a testimony of God's goodness in our life.

Suffering through a miscarriage, the loss of our precious little baby that was so loved and prayed for, is by far the most painful experience I have ever endured.  No one can truly comprehend it unless they have personally been there.  And, even going through it personally, there is a lack of understanding why God allows some things in life to happen.  I truly believe that it was a tool (the same as losing any loved one, cancer, loss of a job and financially stressful seasons, marriage difficulties, and many more "tools" God has at His disposal) that He used to bring about growth in me personally that has led to a stronger relationship with God, a deeper relationship with my husband, and has forever changed me as a woman, wife, and mother.  It's through this "tool" that God now has a testimony, and for that, I'm able to say "Thank You God!"



Sermon found here:  http://www.friendschurchyl.com/media  March 17, 2013 by Matthew Cork (James 5:7-11)