Turning The "Why" Into "How"

When we first lost Joy I spent many months trying to figure out and questioning, "Why?"  Why did God allow us to lose our baby that we so loved?  And, what is the purpose for this heartache and pain?  What are the life lessons, character building, spiritual maturity that I need to learn? 

It's funny how all of these questions and concerns were addressed from a heart that truly wanted and desired to learn these lessons and figure out where God was going with all of this; however, I also wanted to "sprint" through this part of the journey and get to the finish line as fast as possible.  But, God has been working in His timeline, which is oftentimes at a much slower pace than I would prefer!

Somewhere around the 5 month mark after losing Joy I really started feeling like God had done so many amazing things throughout those months and that He was encouraging me to share our story and my journey.  It was around this time that I decided to start this blog as a starting point, willing to be open to whatever and however God wanted to use me.

This morning, while reading two of my devotionals, I was humbled to see that they were both focused on why we cannot always understand why God does things the way He does and also on turning the why into a how. 

The following is from Laura Story's Blessings devotional (Chapter 28, Turning Your Why's Into How's):

"If you're going through tough times, perhaps you have been asking that age-old question:  why?  If that's the question you've been asking, don't be surprised if the answer doesn't arrive at your doorstep anytime soon.  Occasionally, God answers the 'why' question quickly and painlessly, but more often than not He's in no hurry to explain Himself.

 

Asking 'why' can be helpful for processing grief, which is important.  But, my experiences have taught me that focusing too intently on the why's of life is like running on a gerbil wheel:  I never seem to get anywhere, and the only product is exhaustion.

 

So, what's a person to do?  I suggest moving beyond the 'why' and proceeding directly to the 'how' by asking yourself, 'How might God use my trial to glorify Himself'

 

If you're enduring hardship, and if you've been suffering for a while, perhaps it's now time to stop asking why and instead ask yourself how you can bring glory to your Heavenly Father.  I have no doubt that God can use your tough times for His glory.  Will you let Him?"

 



Lately I feel that He's calling me to ministry to reach out and touch the lives of those in my community struggling with infertility.  I am praying for His guidance on exactly how to do this.  What are the first steps?  Where do I want to minister?  Is this a support group that I start from our church?  If so, how do I reach out to others in our community that might not be believers? 

And then, just the other day, I was researching "how to deal with anxiety in the 2WW" and somehow came to the RESOLVE website (nationally recognized infertility organization) where I was lead to the "support group" section, only to find out that there are not any live support groups in my surrounding community.  God, was this just coincidence or your doing?  Are you leading me to possibly something even bigger than I could have imagined from the beginning days of this blog or a small church support group (which would be just as great if that's where God leads me!)?

I have no idea where God is leading me right now but I am willing to keep asking, listening for His quiet answers, looking for the doors that He opens, and actually walking through them when He asks me to!  I am so humbled to know that God is using this journey for something that is far greater than me and my circumstances. 

I am reminded of these blessings each time I am able to comfort and encourage a friend who is also struggling with infertility.  Just yesterday I learned that a friend from my online community lost her baby.  My heart is truly breaking for her right now and I am praying for her and her husband right now.  I know the pain that they are going through, the questions that are running through their mind, the heartache that seems unbearable and overwhelming. 

I truly would not wish these circumstances on my worst enemy because the journey is hard and it's something that you never truly recover from.  In time it just gets different and easier to cope with, but the pain never fully disappears.  But, in the midst of all this pain and heartache God is able to use these trials for our good!  One of the scriptures that sticks out is found in Psalm 27.  It sings to my heart because it's so true.  The hope of God's goodness and faithfulness is the foundation of my strength through this journey.  It's my prayer that everyone traveling the road of infertility will cling to this promise found in God's Word.

Jesus Calling- February 27, 2014

KEEP YOUR EYES ON ME!  Waves of adversity are washing over you, and you feel tempted to give up.  As your circumstances consume more and more of your attention, you are losing sight of Me.  Yet I am with you always, holding you by your right hand.  I am fully aware of your situation, and I will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able to bear.

Your gravest danger is worrying about tomorrow.  If you try to carry tomorrow's burdens today, you will stagger under the load and eventually fall flat.  You must discipline yourself to live within the boundaries of today.  It is in the present moment that I walk close to you, helping you carry your burdens.  Keep your focus on My Presence in the present.

This devotional could not be more true!  As the circumstances of infertility, whether it be the question of, "Am I pregnant?" during the 2WW and the obsession that goes along with this, the fear of whether or not we will get pregnant again, and the even deeper fear of wondering if we will have more losses, consume my thoughts, they pull my away from the presence of God.

God is right here with me.  He's as close to me as my next breath.  All I have to do is call for Him and He's there.  One of the most beautiful things about our God is that He cares so much for us and He carries our burdens for us.  He takes the weight off our shoulders when the load is too heavy for us to carry!  This is something (both the nearness of God and the way that He carries my burdens) that I have had the privilege to truly witness this past year and it's a blessing that I am forever grateful for!

I love the reminder that today has enough burdens of it's own.  I do not need to waste time and energy worrying about things that are in the future.  God encourages me to face today one step at a time, being ever present in the present moment.  When I take on the burdens of tomorrow (all the worry, fear, anxiety, and uncertainty) the load becomes too heavy and I fall flat (especially because by focusing on tomorrow I am taking away from focusing on God now and letting Him carry my load).

I also love the promise that God will not allow me to be tempted beyond what I can bear.  That no matter what my load is and how heavy my burdens are that I can get through all things WITH Him who gives me strength.  God is faithful and He will provide a way out from the temptation when it becomes too much to bear.  To me, this means two things:  1) When I look to Him and rely on His strength, He will carry me through and 2)  That God will remove me from the situation and follow through on His promises in His time!

I am so thankful for God's presence in every single moment of my life.  I love knowing that I have a heavenly father that cares so deeply about every detail of my life, that He hurts when I am hurting, He provides comfort and strength in the midst of the most chaotic storms, His love is so unbelievably unconditional and faithful, and His grace is enough!  God is here with me and with you!  He will never leave you!  And, in my experience, it's in the darkest of circumstances that I find God even more present...all I have to do is reach out!  He's a father that yearns for a deep relationship with His children!  Thank you God for being the Father of all fathers, for your love, peace, strength, comfort, and grace...all blessings that are simply priceless in this fallen world!

God Sees The Big Picture

Church was absolutely perfect this past Sunday!  It really spoke to me and was re-affirming to the journey I am on right now.  Click HERE to listen to the message (Mike Frisch 2/24/14).

The gist of the message was "Would you trade what you want right now, not knowing if something better is in the future?"  The pastor talked about our "appetites" or the things that we crave or focus on that prevent us from enjoying life in the present moment and/or following God's plan for our life.

Being able to truly LIVE life while trying to get pregnant (especially when charting, trying for many months or years, after suffering through losses, and struggling with infertility) is one of the hardest challenges on this journey.  Lloyd and I are constantly having the conversation of, "Well, what if we're pregnant?".  This comes up in all areas of our life whether it be with work, finances, planning vacations, wanting to go on some adventures (especially hiking), etc.

At the beginning of 2014, we committed to living life again and planning trips, adventures, and things that we want to do, knowing that we might have to cancel if we are pregnant (particularly hiking Mt. Whitney this summer).  We recently made the decision to take a road trip to Colorado in June as well and we plan to have a Plan A and Plan B...things we want to do if we aren't pregnant and things we will do if we are pregnant.  That way we can still plan the trip and have fun regardless of the status of my uterus!

You see, my appetite is definitely the desire to be pregnant as soon as possible (and after our first loss it was to travel this journey as fast as possible, like sprinting to the marathon finish line!).  But, if I keep my focus and obsession on this desire then I will miss out on so much that life has to offer.  Most importantly, I will miss out on all the blessings that God has in store for me each and every step of the way. 

If God had answered my short-term, narrow-visioned prayers and allowed us to breeze through trying to start our family and/or prevented us from experiencing the deep, heart-wrenching pain associated with losing our babies, I would not have experienced the spiritual growth that has taken place over this past year.  In addition, my heart would not have been molded and changed in such significant ways...ways that continue to make me a better woman, wife, and future mother.  God used this trial as a way to truly bring me to my knees, praying and depending solely on Him. 

My heart is so genuinely filled with a desire to be pregnant and be a mother...but for now, I am called to submit to God's plan for my life and to be watchful for all the BIG ways that He's using my journey and story to not only change me, but to minister to others and bring them to Him!  I have no idea where God is taking me right now but I will wait patiently and excitedly to see how our story unfolds.  I have witnessed the amazing gifts that God has freely given along this path and I am eager to see how He will continue to use this journey to further His kingdom and bring others closer to Him!

I am praying for each and every woman and couple struggling with infertility and miscarriages.  This is such a difficult road to travel and I truly am so empathetic for all that walk this path.  My hope is that while we wait patiently and trust in His plan, that our hearts will be filled with so much peace and joy knowing that God is working all of this heartache and pain for our good!  He SEES the big picture that we cannot see right now...God is good, He is faithful, and He will guide us down the perfect path that leads to our destination!

Surviving the 2WW (Two Week Wait)- Part 1

We are officially in the 2WW (the two weeks between ovulation and when your period is expected to arrive).  Anyone trying to get pregnant (and especially those tracking and who know exactly when they ovulate) know that the waiting period is difficult. 

Not only do you want to know what God's answer is and whether or not you are actually pregnant, but you often experience many symptoms that are so very similar to early pregnancy systems.  This is especially true in the first few months after a miscarriage, or at least it has been for me.  For example, with my last pregnancy, sore boobs was a very early sign for me.  Well, last month my boobs were really sore all the way until the day my period showed up (normally the soreness would decrease a couple days beforehand).  This is just one of many examples of how my mind and body play tricks on me, I get overly hopeful, and sometimes the curiosity gets the best of me (I tend to really battle with anxiety during these two weeks, especially as I get closer to my period being due).

This month I have vowed to change things up a little to deal with and help combat the craziness that accompanies these two weeks.  I am really at peace with whatever God's answer is for this month so there really is no need for me to worry, obsess, over-analyze, and be anxious over the final answer!

These changes include not temping until 12 DPO (days past ovulation...or, for me, about 2 days before my period is due.  This is also the day I start testing!) and really turning my focus to prayer, God's Word (scripture verses), and worship songs in the moments when I feel overwhelmed with anxiety.  I will also do the things that help me to feel emotionally and physically better, like going for short walks during the day and running.

Some of the verses that I will focus on in the next couple weeks are the following:

 

 

 

Prayer is such a power tool because our God is a Mighty God!  He loves us and cares for us so much more than we can ever imagine!  It's amazing how much peace there is when I turn to Him in my moments of doubt and fear (with prayer and scripture), placing my trust and hope in Him.  His Word encourages us to turn to Him and be devoted in prayer, to give Him our requests, to have undoubtful faith in His power to fulfill those requests, and to have a heart full of thankfulness for all that He is doing in our lives regardless of our circumstances.  God might not answer my prayers in MY timing but He will answer them in His perfect timing!  And, the peace that He provides while I await His answers is indescribably amazing...He is the comforter of all comforters and His grace is enough!
 

Finding Support While Journeying Through Infertility and Miscarriages

I'm not quite sure why I haven't really touched on this topic yet, but it's really weighing on my heart today and thought I would share my thoughts.

I am extremely blessed (beyond any words that can be written here) to have a great support system in place right now.  From the very beginning (since Day 1 of starting our journey of getting pregnant), many close friends and family were aware that we had "pulled the goalie out of the net".  We were able to lean on these people when we started having fears and doubts on whether or not we would get pregnant.  This is something that I felt was important for me and that I felt comfortable sharing with those close to me.

When we got pregnant with Joy, we did tell a few very close friends and our immediate family members.  We made the decision not to tell the "rest of the world" until we were out of the first trimester; however, once we saw the heartbeat and started feeling like this was really happening, we did tell a few more people. 

Then we lost Joy and had to "untell" everyone, which was really hard.  I remember that day and having the feeling like I just needed to get all the phone calls over with as a step in the direction of moving forward. 

But, it was also a very good thing.  If we had made the decision not to share our pregnancy with those close to us then it would have also been much more difficult to share about our loss.  I found that sharing our loss was very therapeutic for me.  It really helped, and continues to help, for me to be able to talk about our losses and all the emotions that go along with this journey.  I also found that everyone has been very loving, supportive, caring, and encouraging...all things that I feel are vital when going through this season because it's so easy to feel like you are alone and that nobody really understands what you are going through (which still happens even when you share because really NO ONE can understand what you are going through unless they have traveled this road themselves).

Eventually after our first loss everyone learned of our story.  It was something that we felt comfortable bringing up and talking about, not something that we wanted to hide and ignore...it's forever a part of our life and something that is a key piece to our story.  I feel like not sharing it would be hiding something that is such a core piece of me right now...to me, it would be like living a fake lifestyle and that's just not me.

Then we got pregnant with James and were faced with the decision of whether or not to tell people.  Lloyd and I approached this decision very differently this time.  After having gone through a loss and knowing what that feels like (especially understanding how much we needed the support from those close to us), we decided that we wanted to tell most of our family and very close friends.  I even ended up telling some people at work (my manager and a few close friends), as did Lloyd.  My philosophy was that it was very important to have all the support and as many people as possible praying for our little baby!  And, if we did experience another loss, I knew that I would need that support again.

After this last loss and as we continue our journey to start our family, my feelings and viewpoint are slightly different and we will do things a little differently the next time around.  I recognize that I will need the support when pregnant again, especially on the hard days when I'm feeling anxious and fearful of another miscarriage. 

But, with this most recent loss I have really come to realize the people that are able to support me best and the people that I tend to lean on the most.  It's not that others do not have good intentions, it's simply that some people (even with the best of intentions) really do not know how to deal with pregnancy loss and cannot fathom all the realities that surround this journey.  It's for that reason that we will tell those people that I lean on on a daily basis and that I will likely turn to in the hard days and then slowly let the rest of the world in on our little secret once we see the heartbeat and feel more confident about the viability of our pregnancy.

This is our story and has been our journey.  I realize that many others traveling the same road struggle with these decisions as well.  Some believe that it's much easier to keep the entire journey as a secret until after the first trimester.  Others tell the entire world as soon as they see that second pink line.  And then there are some that selectively choose who to tell (like us). 

I also want to add that there is an entire community online of people struggling just like you and me.  I have been very fortunate to find a group of ladies that I truly consider my friends!  They have been here for me, listened to me, encouraged me, and picked me up every time I fell during this journey.  They are women who have struggled to get pregnant, some who have had a loss, and others who have had many losses and have traveled the road of seeking answers.  There is so much to be said about having a support system where you can go to vent and journey with a group of people who truly "get" what you are going through.

Also, finding a therapist/counselor is something that I highly encourage as well.  It's so important to understand that there is a grief process and to allow yourself to "feel" the emotions that you are experiencing instead of pushing them aside and ignoring them (infertility and miscarriage isn't something that is talked about or accepted in our society, even though it's very common).  Suffering through infertility and miscarriages often leads to many emotions that are overwhelming and many suffer with additional things like depression, anxiety, and feeling alone.  These are very common aspects but they can also be dealt with in a healthy environment.  It's not something that you just have to live with...there are better days ahead when these emotions are dealt with and the work is done diligently!

My best advice is to find the system that works for you and your partner!  You are not obligated to share this information with anyone if you choose not to...but sharing, with the right people, does make traveling this journey a little bit easier!  I am forever grateful for the people in my life that have been here for me every step of the way...I truly do not know how I could have gotten through this past year without each and every individual.

When We Don't Understand

I have been enjoying a devotional called Blessings by Laura Story.  This song goes along with the devotional and it's one of my favorites (on my "miscarriage journey" playlist):

This past weekend I was reading Chapter 14, "When We Don't Understand" and loved how it relates to my heart right now.  So many times through this journey I have asked the question, "Why?" and sought to find God's answer in those moments.

"Sometimes, things happen, and we simply can't understand why.  When life takes a turn for the worse, we wonder why, but no matter how hard we think or how desperately we try, we simply cannot understand God's plan.  And that's okay with God."

 

This devotional brought me back to the first sermon I heard the week we had learned of our first loss (HERE), where the main theme was, "Can you thank God for trusting you with this experience even if He never tells you why?"

 

The devotional references Proverbs 3:6, which is my bible passage dedicated to this journey:  "In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths".  It goes on to say the following encouraging words:

 

"If you acknowledge God's sovereignty over every aspect of your life, He will guide your path.  So as you prayerfully consider the path God intends for you to take, here are things you should do:  You should study His Word and be ever-watchful for His signs.  You should listen carefully to that inner voice that speaks to you in the quiet moments of your daily devotionals.  And, as you continually seek God's unfolding purpose for your life, you should be patient."



As I have journeyed through this past year and sought to have the question of , "Why, God?" answered I have learned the following:

 

Although God has given me glimpses of His beautiful work being done through this journey (either by bringing me closer to Him, strengthening our marriage, changing my heart in ways that needed to be changed as a mother and woman, etc), He hasn't provided the clear, "here it is" answer that I've craved at times (and I might not receive this answer until I enter heaven, and that's okay!).

 

Can you understand the secrets of God? His limits are higher than the heavens/ you cannot reach them! They are deeper than the grave; you cannot understand them! His limits are longer than the earth and wider than the sea. -Job 11:7-9

 

But, God has provided, and continues to provide, so much more in this journey.  He's provided things that I didn't think were sufficient at the time.  He's provided in ways that are much different than what I thought I needed.  And, you know what?  God has provided in every single way that I most definitely needed...He knows my needs much more than I do! 

 

I am truly grateful that faith enables me to move past the question of "Why?"  -Zig Ziglar

 

The things that God has provided are things like love, grace, peace, comfort, and strength.  He's always there for me no matter what.  He's my comforter in the moments when I feel so alone.  His peace allows me to let go and truly trust in His plan for my life.  His strength carries me on the darkest of days and reminds me that I can get through this.

 

There are a lot of things in life that are difficult to understand.  Faith allows the soul to go beyond what the eyes can see.  -John Maxwell

 

"Your Heavenly Father may not always reveal Himself as quickly as you would like.  And He may not always answer your prayers with a resounding yes.  But of this you can be sure:  God is sovereign, God is here, God is love, and God intends to use you in wonderful, unexpected ways.  He desires to lead you along a path of His choosing, not your choosing.  Your challenge is to watch, to listen, to learn...and to follow."

 

God is good, He is faithful, and His love is indescribable...in the midst of our darkest seasons God is reaching for us, drawing us closer to Him, and gently nudging us to sit, be still, be patient, and to trust in Him no matter what.



Can you trust God even when trusting Him is hard?  If you answered yes, congratulations.  If you answered no, don't despair, but don't stop praying, either.

 

 

All Things in God's Perfect Timing

I saw this yesterday and thought it was so perfect for the road God has me on right now.  This journey has taught me so much about being patient, a quality that I wholeheartedly admit that I need to work on!  And, it has been a journey that has truly strengthened my faith and trust in God's perfect timing.

Faith is believing in what we cannot see instead of focusing on the circumstances we find ourselves in.  It's knowing that God is in control of our life, that He has a great plan for us, that He is for us, and He loves us.  It's about letting go, sitting on the sidelines, and letting God do what He needs to do!

In the past 3 months since the loss of James, there have been many doubts and fears concerning whether or not we will be parents some day.  We know and believe that we will be pregnant again, but whether or not the next pregnancy (or any pregnancy in the future) will lead to us holding our baby in our arms is a fear that we are both struggling with.  I often find myself questioning how many more losses I can emotionally handle and where do we "draw the line" and start the journey of growing our family through other avenues (either through treatment, adoption, etc).  Or, will we reach a point where we simply say that we won't pursue other options and just leave it completely up to God to allow it to happen naturally (without really intentionally trying to get pregnant)?

And then I am reminded about how worth it it will be when we have our little one in our arms!  All of this heartache, pain, hurt, struggle, frustration, and disappointment will be a distant memory when that day comes!  When I start to look at my life today with this perspective in mind, it's amazing at how much more my heart and mind can endure. 

GOD'S TIMING IS PERFECT!  It's so hard to trust in His timing when we live in a world where instant gratification is so accessible.  There really aren't many things in life that we have to "wait" for or situations that call us to be patient.  God is using this season as a testing of my faith so that in the end I will be lacking nothing. 

There truly is so much peace found in the moments when I give this all to God, affirming my trust in Him.  Today I find myself in the midst of a season of growth...God is using this season to prepare me and us for whatever lies on the paths ahead.  When I look back on how far I have traveled (and all the GOOD God has done in this season), I'm humbled, amazed, and reminded of all the blessings that have been found in this journey.  It's time to sit back, take this one day and one decision at a time, to get excited, and to wait with eager anticipation for all the goodness that God has planned as this journey continues to unfold!

Jesus Calling- February 7, 2014

COME TO ME FOR REST and refreshment.  The journey has been too much for you, and you are bone-weary.  Do not be ashamed of your exhaustion.  Instead, see it as an opportunity for Me to take charge of your life.

 

Remember that I can fit everything into a pattern for good, including the things you wish were different.  Start with where you are at this point in time and space, accepting that this is where I intend you to be.  You will get through today one step, one moment at a time.  Your main responsibility is to remain attentive to Me, letting Me guide you through the many choices along your pathway.

 

This sounds like an easy assignment, but it is not.  Your desire to live in My Presence goes against the grain of "the world, the flesh and the devil."  Much of your weariness results from your constant battle against these opponents.  However, you are on the path of My choosing, so do not give up!  Hope in Me, for you will again praise Me for the help of My Presence.

 

This message is perfect!  I can totally relate to it today, especially with how it applies to our journey through infertility.  This journey at times has been too much for me and I have had days where I feel so weary and ready to give up. 

 

God is calling me to constantly seek His face, His presence each and every moment.  In the moments where my fear of whether or not we will ever be parents creeps in, I am to seek His presence and focus on His truths and promises.  In the moments where my anxiety takes over in the moments of wanting to know the answer of whether or not we are pregnant this month, I am again called to focus on God and His commands to not worry about anything and to trust in His plan.

 

There are numerous moments and situations throughout each day where my humanly thoughts take me away from God.  It's in these moments that I need to take my thoughts captive and ask the question, "Is this thought from God or from the devil?"  Focusing on any thoughts that are not from God only leads to a path of pure exhaustion.

 

As hard as it is, it's crucial to keep my thoughts focused on God and His truths.  He has me right where He wants me right now...I'm not supposed to be anywhere else in this very moment.  More importantly, there is so much hope found in the truth that God loves me, He wants the absolute best for me, and He works all things for good- even something as devastating, frustrating, painful, and disappointing as traveling the path of infertility. 

 

Wherever you are in life right now, just know that God's got this!  You are right where you are supposed to be.  Seek His face throughout all your moments of doubt and fear and He will provide you with comfort, wisdom, peace, and strength to get you through each and every one of those moments!  God loves you and He cares for you more than you can imagine! 

 

 

Jesus, You Can Have Me

This past Monday's commute to work was a very great way to start this week.  I decided to listen to our local Christian station, something that I do very often.  But, Monday was one of those days that I just knew God was right there with me, showering me with so many blessings through the songs that were playing on the radio.

One of the songs was "You Can Have Me" by Sidewalk Prophets.  I had never heard this song before and didn't know what it was. So, I got on Shazam to figure out the name of the song and artist so that I could download it. I have been listening to this song a lot this week and find it bringing about a new sense of surrender and trust to God's plan in my life.

 

I absolutely love the following words:

 

If You're all You claim to be

Then I'm not losing anything

So I will crawl upon my knees

Just to know the joy of suffering

I will love You enough to let go

Lord I give You my life

I give You my life

 

One of the hardest parts of traveling the road of infertility (or any path of uncertainty for that matter) is letting go of the need to control, the urge to take over, and fully surrendering to God's will, trusting in Him every step of the way.  It's definitely a constant, daily battle of answering the question God is asking, "Will you trust me?"

 

Within moments of finding out about our first loss, God started moving in me in ways I had never experienced.  He has continued to move me and is constantly encouraging me to use this journey and my experience to minister to others.  It's through this journey that I have been tested and now have a testimony for all of God's goodness, faithfulness, His enduring and unconditional love, His grace and mercy that are sufficient to carry us every step of the way regardless of the circumstances, and His peace that surpasses all understanding.

 

God has called me to follow Him through this journey and it's my hope that I continue to listen to His wisdom and follow His path for my life, wherever that path might lead.

 

 In today's One Year of Hope devotional (titled "Losing Your Life"), the message was very similar to this song.  The author is telling of a conversation she had with a mother who had just recently lost her son to a genetic disorder at 2 days old (and the chances of future children having this disorder are high).  The mother has dreamed of being a mother for as long as she can remember and is facing the heart-wrenching reality that she might never have children of her own.

The author was reminding her that Jesus is calling her to surrender to all the hopes and dreams that she has for her life, trusting that God's plans for her life are so much better than ours.  Jesus calls us to take up our cross and to fully surrender.  It's not about adding Jesus to our life but about making Jesus our life.  It's about putting the plans for our life to death so that we can experience the abundant life that he offers.

 

I found myself really relating to the following:

 

"'Your son has given you an incredible gift," I told this grieving mom. 'He has given you the gift of being forced to reconsider the very purpose of your life.  Those who are sailing through a comfortable life at this point have not yet been forced to carefully consider their lives and surrender to their dreams.  But because you have been shaken to the core, you see clearly that if you cling to your own plans and desires, you will never discover the freedom and joy found in losing your life for Jesus.'"

 

When we lost Joy, the immediate question that God was asking me was, "Will I trust Him through this?"  My answer and desire from the beginning was and is to remain faithful and to follow God.  It's been a constant seeking of answers, wisdom, guidance, and surrender to God's plan.  It was in the moment of losing Joy that I was given the incredible gift and opportunity to reconsider my life and let go of the vision I had for my life so that I could cling on to God's plan for my life.

 

There is so much beauty in a life lived according to God's design and purpose.  He has created us each individually and uniquely.  Each and every one of us has a specific purpose in life and we are called to step up and fulfill that calling when God asks us to. 



God has used this journey to grow me and mature me in significant ways.  He has also called me to share our story and my journey so that I might be a light to those going through a similar journey.  It's a ministry that I am so thankful for.  There is so much joy and abundant blessings in being able to be there for others who are truly suffering, as I have suffered, on this journey.  The joy that comes from knowing that you are making a difference in someones life in indescribable. 

 

This is just the beginning of things that God is using this journey for.  Just as His words says, He uses all things for His good!  I cannot wait to see where God's path leads and what's next on this adventure!

 

What's God calling you to do today?  Are you willing to surrender, trust in Him, and follow His path for you life?  I can guarantee that simply saying "yes" and letting go is the beginning of a beautiful journey that He will take you on!