19 and 20 Weeks!!!

19w4d

WOOHOO!!!  We are just over halfway through our pregnancy with today being 20w3d!  We are so excited and thankful for how smoothly and perfectly things have been going!

Since finding out on July 14th that we are having a little baby boy (Cameron Lloyd) I have been busy working on the registry and figuring out exactly what we need for our little guy.  We are almost done but are struggling with making a decision on the nursery bedding and a convertible car seat.  We know that we will be doing a nautical theme for the nursery and the decision has been narrowed down to two choices.  Once we get that decision made the registry will be nearly complete!



Daddy's All Star

We told Lloyd's parents and grandma in person the following weekend.  They are all so thrilled for a little boy (Lloyd is one of three boys himself so his parents are used to boys!).  We had a lovely time visiting with them and enjoyed a great lunch together.  Lloyd's grandma was also very generous and gave us the money to buy our infant car seat and crib mattress.  So far we have been very fortunate in having very generous parents/grandparents and have received the crib, mattress, car seat, and know that the jogging stroller (which will also be our only stroller) has been purchased (by my parents)!  Oh, and my step dad found a great rocking chair that is perfect for the nursery!  Things are starting to come together!

Daddy's Handsome Dude

In pregnancy related new, I am feeling pretty good!  I really cannot complain and am enjoying being pregnant with our little guy!  Lately I am feeling him kick a little more and it's a feeling that I just love love love!!!  I don't think I will ever get tired of feeling his little kicks!  Other than that, I have my next appointment this Thursday...it's supposedly to go over the results from the anatomy scan (which we already know came back perfectly!) and to hear the baby's heartbeat (no ultrasound though).  I can honestly say that this is the first appointment that I'm not the least bit nervous for!  I have finally arrived at the milestone where I can breathe, relax, and fully enjoy the miracle and awesomeness of being pregnant!  So, so thankful!



Mommy's Little Peanut

Oh, and little Cameron already has some clothes!  I stopped by Babies R Us (BRU) on the way home from work the day following our anatomy scan and picked up some onesies for Lloyd (and Cameron!)!  I wanted him to have a special moment and have some outfits that are specifically for him and our little guy!  Originally I had bought them in newborn size and then realized that newborn size is only for 5-8 lbs which means he will either only wear them for a very short time or maybe not at all if he comes out weighing more than 8 lbs.  So, I exchanged them for the 0-3 month size so he can get more use out of them!   Also, my best friend was very kind and found the cutest little onesie for me!  I absolutely love it and cannot wait for our little peanut to wear it!

Life is so good!  Words cannot express how thankful I am to be pregnant with our precious son!  I am so excited to meet him (only 4 1/2 months to go- time is flying by these days!) and for all the adventures that we have ahead together, especially as I am so lucky to be able to stay home with him! 

18 Weeks!

Today, I am 18w3d pregnant! 

We had our big anatomy scan appointment yesterday!  Both Lloyd and I worked from home so that we could drive to and from the appointment together.  We left our house around 11:30 and made the trek to Kaiser in Anaheim.  The appointment was at the hospital, which is also where we had to go for our confirmation ultrasound for both our losses.

We arrived just after 12:30 pm, got checked in, and then waited.  They instructed me to drink 24 oz of water an hour before, so I did as I was told.  When we arrived at the hospital I was thinking, "Hmmm, not sure I really have to use the restroom.  Maybe I should drink more water?".  Thankfully I did not because within ten minutes I really had to go!

The ultrasound technician called my name around 12:45.  Yay for getting in a little early!  Things started off to a rough start as she asked where "our little one was".  I was confused and she noticed and responded that my chart says I was pregnant last year.  I told her, "Yes, we were pregnant twice last year but sadly both ended in miscarriages".  Lloyd's response was perfect...he said, "We have two babies in our hearts".

We arrived at our room, where she instructed Lloyd to wait in the waiting room while she did the work she need to do.  I asked her if she would be able to tell us the gestational age, heart rate, etc along with the gender.  She said that she could at the end when she brought Lloyd back in the room.

So, we started the long ultrasound.  I quickly knew that the baby was moving around a lot and was very comforted by that!  About 10-15 minutes later she let me get up to use the restroom (my bladder was very full!).  I tried to go as fast as I could but it was one of those times where my bladder was so full that it didn't want to release.  She even made a comment that she might have to go in after me.

We continued on and she was eventually able to get all her images.  She let me go to the bathroom again while she got Lloyd and then the fun began!  She showed us all things like the face, hands, feet, arms, spine, etc until we finally got to see whether or not our little peanut was a boy or a girl!



Our son (Cameron Lloyd) at 18w2d!!!

We had perfect timing and got a beautiful shot of little peanut, legs in the air, and a glimpse of our little guy's penis...there is no denying it- WE ARE HAVING A LITTLE BOY!!!  That moment was priceless and something I will remember for the rest of my life!  We are both so thrilled and thankful for our son! 

After the appointment we headed home, calling everyone on the way to let them know that little peanut did great!  While driving we also discussed the gender reveal party for our immediate family and best friends and decided that it was too much of a burden for everyone to get together for such a short time.  So, we made the decision to cancel the party and tell our family.  We told my dad and step mom first and then went to my mom's house later that night (after I tried to make cake pops for work and they totally failed).  While there we called my aunt and my brother (talked to him on the way home).  Once home we our neighbors and then tried to get some sleep since I had work early the next morning.

Everyone is so thrilled for us!  It's fun to be able to share this news of our precious son!

And, to continue on with the great news...I woke up this morning with an email from my doctor say, "Your fetal survey results showed that the baby's anatomy is normal, the fluid amount is normal, and the placenta is in a normal position"  THANK YOU GOD!!!!  Reading this email from her seriously brought tears to my eyes.  It feels amazing to know that our son is healthy and everything is normal!  It finally feels real, like the final weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I can finally relax and breathe!

Words cannot describe the thankfulness for the community of support that I have around me and us:  from my amazing husband, our family and friends, church friends, neighbors, and the amazing women that I have met during this journey through our online board!  Truly, your prayers, love, support, and encouragement are greatly appreciated! 

Last but certainly not least...THANK YOU GOD!!!  You have showered me with love, grace, mercy, and peace every step of the way!  Thank you for today and thank you for the wonderful news that our little boy is healthy and the peace that comes with knowing that he will be in our arms in a few short months!  Thank you too for every step of this journey, the good times and the bad times!  It's through it all that you have strengthened me and challenged me, slowly molding me in to the woman that I am today and the mother that I am for our son!  THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!

17 Weeks!

Wow, where has the time gone!?!?  Today, I am 17w3d pregnant!  Time is really going fast these days and I feel like we have a lot to get done with the registry (which is slightly overwhelming...there's too many options for little peanut!), meal planning for recipes I will be preparing in Oct/Nov, getting the house more organized to create more storage space, and getting the nursery all decorated and setup.  The most I've done so far is going to BRU and browsing for things I think we might register for and finding freezer crockpot recipes on Pinterest!

Other than that I'm feeling great, excited, and just slightly nervous!  I cannot wait for our anatomy scan next Monday to finally have a clean bill of health for little peanut and to know if we're having a boy or a girl.  For the most part I am doing great and feeling relaxed but I have had a few dreams and nightmares regarding the a/s and those have been hard (one of my nightmares was a couple days ago where we went to the u/s and found out that peanut was not doing well, wouldn't survive, etc...it was so vivid and I woke up with the same sadness I felt with our other losses). 

Thankfully, I am feeling really good about things and know and believe that everything is going to be okay next Monday!  In fact, I was catching up on Jesus Calling this morning and really like what it said on July 5th:

DRAW NEAR TO ME with a thankful heart, aware that your cup is overflowing with blessings.  Gratitude enables you to perceive Me more clearly and to rejoice in our Love-relationship.  Nothing can separate you from My loving Presence!  That is the basis of your security.  Whenever you start to feel anxious, remind yourself that your security rests in Me alone, and I am totally trustworthy.

 

You will never be in control of your life circumstances, but you can relax and trust in My control.  Instead of striving for a predictable, safe lifestyle, seek to know Me in greater depth and breadth.  I long to make your life a glorious adventure, but you must stop clinging to old ways.  I am always doing something new within My beloved ones.  Be on the lookout for all that I have prepared for you.

 



Happy Birthday James!

On October 21, 2013, Lloyd and I found out we were pregnant again!  It seemed like such a miracle and we were so confident that this was our take home baby.  We had a faith and hope like I've never seen before in both of us.  Even as the test results, spotting, and every other red flag imaginable was pointing to another loss we held on to hope. 

We saw the precious heartbeat on November 11th after 6 days of spotting.  The doctor said that it was "unexplained", that we had a strong heartbeat, and our chances of another loss was significantly reduced.  We left the appointment with instructions to continue on with life as normal (I was even allowed to run) with our only limitation being no sex since it could cause more spotting which would increase my anxiety and worry (but was reassured that having sex would not "cause" a miscarriage...it was all for my emotional protection). 

The very next day I went to the bathroom where I had a significant amount of red blood and a good size clot.  I emailed and called my doctor immediately.  There was nothing that could be done- we had to wait two more days for our regularly scheduled appointment.

It was a long two days.  I stayed home from work and put myself on bed rest trying my best to do everything I could to keep our little baby.  We woke up on Thursday, November 14th, anxiously anticipating our appointment.  We had hope and believed we would see our baby's little heart beating just as we had three days before.

My doctor came in, started to ask questions and then realized that we should just do the ultrasound first.  She measured the baby and I saw a EDD of 7/4/2014...a fireworks baby! 

But, immediately I knew something was wrong.  There was no heartbeat.  We had clearly seen it three days earlier and yet it wasn't visible now.  We knew it was over and we knew the next steps (go to the hospital for a confirmation ultrasound, decide how to miscarry, etc). 

This time was different though.  The doctors discussed that it was time to investigate why I had two losses, especially after both babies had a heartbeat.  This wasn't exactly "common" (we later found out that we fell in the less than 1% category).

I ended up miscarrying naturally two days later.  It was one of the most emotionally and physically painful days of my life.  Just typing this out brings back so many emotions of just how hard that day was.  I lost a ton of blood...that doesn't even do justice to what really happened.  The contractions were miserable, just like labor except with no happy outcome.  The experience was so bad that we should have gone to the hospital but I just wanted it to be over (and wasn't thinking clearly).  About 36 hours after the process started I passed the baby.  A few days later Lloyd and I buried it in our backyard.

A few weeks later we started the testing process.  The results came back as unexplained and that was a really hard pill to swallow.  I wanted answers, a fix, a guarantee that we wouldn't have any more losses.  But, we didn't and we were forced to try once more before seeking additional options.

So we did.  The only thing that changed was taking baby aspirin daily and progesterone shots (I did suppositories last time).  It worked!  Today is bittersweet...today is the day we dreamed of meeting our precious James but instead we are so thankful to be pregnant with our little peanut!  It's truly a blessing and I believe with all my heart that this is God's ultimate and perfect plan!

So, today we celebrate our precious James with fireworks and remember all the ways that his short time with us changed us and made us better parents and individuals.  His life had a huge purpose and he is greatly missed. 

Although I'm pregnant with my miracle baby, I still think of my two angel babies every single day.  I sometimes wonder if this will ever change and part of me knows that it won't.  But I do know that it won't always be as hard as this past year or so has been.  Grief is a journey and it's ever-changing...some losses you never get over completely.  I believe this to be true with pregnancy loss...it's a type of loss that forever changes you because of the love and dreams you had for your baby.  It starts out extremely difficult but as the seasons change you learn to cope with it and celebrate the hard days.

Happy Birthday James!  Your daddy and I love you so much and are so thankful for the short time we had with you!  We think of you always and know that you are safe in the arms of Jesus and we will see you someday in heaven!  Tonight we will feel your presence and smile as the sky shimmers with beauty!

16 Weeks!

Today I am 16w3d pregnant!  Life is so good!  Everything seems to being going just perfectly and I couldn't be happier!  Thank you God!

This past week was really busy!  Pregnancy-wise, not much has been going on.  I am excited to announce that I am getting the beginning stages of little baby kicks!  They are the most amazing feeling ever and I cannot wait to feel them more consistently!  Other than that, I still have evening nausea and my boobs must be growing again, as is my little bump!  We have our next big appointment on July 14th and we are hopeful to find out the sex of this baby!  If we do we will have a little gender reveal get together with our families and two best friends!  I cannot wait!

My brother married the love of his life and best friend, Diana, and I am just so thrilled that God brought these two together!  They are absolutely perfect for each other!  The wedding and reception was beautiful, taking place at Harborside in Newport Beach!  It was so wonderful celebrating their special day with them and friends and family!  

Sunday was my birthday!  The day started with breakfast with Lloyd, Dad, Linda, Greg, Terri, Jillian, Brenton, and Jera at RJ's Café in Dana Point!  I got the Cinnamon French Toast and it was amazing!  Afterwards we went back to my dad's and exchanged presents (including Father's Day and Linda's birthday).  I got a netbook and it's absolutely wonderful!!!

After leaving Dad and Linda's, Lloyd and I made our venture home.  On the way we stopped at Buy Buy Baby.  We made a decision on our stroller (BOB Revolution SE) and got some ideas on all things baby.  Next we took a walk in Laguna Niguel Regional Park (one of our favorites) followed by picking up my car at work.  Once we got closer to home we stopped at BJ's restaurant for dinner (salad, pizza, and pizookie!) before going by Babies R Us and Home Depot!

Finally, we arrived home!  Lloyd surprised me with a beautiful card and two presents (he wasn't supposed to get me anything as my anniversary present was supposed to be birthday as well).  Both were very thoughtful:  a chalkboard I've wanted for our kitchen to write out the weekly menu and a little wooden sign saying "peanut" for the nursery!  I love this man!  He is truly the sweetest, most thoughtful person I know and I am so blessed to be able to call him mine!  We've been married for 3 years now and I can honestly say that it just keeps getting better...every day I fall more and more in love with Lloyd!  He's simply the best!