Monday, May 26, 2014

11 Weeks!

Today I am 11w2d pregnant!  The countdown to being out of the 1st trimester is ON!  I cannot believe how close we are to being out of this risky time.  With each passing day we are closer to all of our dreams coming true for our little peanut and it's all because of God's beautiful blessings over Lloyd, me, and our precious little baby!  I couldn't be more thankful!

There's not much going on this week pregnancy-wise.  Our next appointment is on June 5th (only 10 more days!) and it will be our last 1st trimester appointment!

Both Lloyd and I are feeling much more relieved after last week's appointment.  That appointment was huge and it was the beginning of really, truly believing that we will get to hold this baby in our arms. 

Since then I have noticed that a big part of my wall has been torn down and I am really getting attached and excited for this little life growing inside of me!  I spent some time on Pinterest researching how we will tell everyone on Facebook.  We told a few more people our exciting news.  I ordered Lloyd part of his Father's Day gift.  We are talking about the things we will need to register for, what we need and what we will have handed down from friends.  We are talking more and more about baby names and have it pretty narrowed down (we have our boy name and are down to two finalists for our girl name).  And, I even purchased a couple maternity tops yesterday!

With each passing day I am just so incredibly thankful for this beautiful blessing of life!  I cannot wait to be a mom and to enjoy watching our little one grow up before our eyes.  I feel so blessed to be able to stay home with our son or daughter and to experience all of these precious life moments!

Photo: "Sometimes life takes us places we never expected to go. And in those places God writes a story we never thought would be ours.” - Renee Swope

{He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Psalm 139:3}I saw this on Facebook the other day and just love it.  Lloyd and I had "our plan" before we even got married.  We were going to wait until our one year anniversary to start our family.  We started just over a month after that plan (after much going back and forth, are we ready, etc).  We figured it would happen by the end of 2012 and it would be a journey filled with only good times (how can it not...we get to enjoy lots of sexy time, etc!!). 

But God had a different plan for us...He wrote a whole different story for our family that includes two precious babies in heaven!  It's been a road filled with the highest of highs and the lowest of lows but I can honestly say that it has been worth every single second!  He has used this time to really mold me into the woman He created me to be.  I am completely different than I was when we started out but it's for the better.  I have a stronger, deeper, more intimate relationship with God and hope that I can pass that on to our child through example.  I am a much better wife and we have a stronger marriage because of this journey.  And, I will be a much better mom because of this...I will have patience for the things that would have annoyed me and be able to enjoy all of the little moments, not wanting to take for granted the beautiful gift and blessing God has awarded us.  It wasn't our plan or our path...but it's one that is forever marked with beauty, blessing, and thankfulness!

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

10 Weeks- Part 2: Taking a Nap and Happy Dance

We had our appointment yesterday and are so thankful and relieved to know that our little peanut is doing great! 

I arrived at the appointment just before Lloyd to get checked in.  Lloyd showed up and I had him go out to my car to put some food in an ice chest.  While he was doing that the nurse called me back to do all my vitals and urine sample.

A few minutes later we were settled in our room, impatiently waiting for our OB.  We took this time of waiting to pray for our little peanut.  This is a ritual that we have started with this pregnancy and it's one that I look forward to.

My doctor came in shortly after, asked all the normal "how are you feeling questions" and then proceeded with the ultrasound.  During my first pregnancy, she used the regular ultrasound at my 10 week appointment; however, yesterday she played it safe and did the vaginal ultrasound.  I was very thankful for this because I didn't need any reasons to be scared or delays in seeing our baby.

One of the first things that I noticed was that our little peanut had grown so much!  What a relief!  I also saw the heart but couldn't really identify a clear heartbeat.  Also, little peanut was very still, apparently enjoying a nice little nap (even a couple pokes from the doctor didn't wake he/she up)!  Both of these things caused Lloyd and I a little concern and anxiety until the doctor allowed us to listen to the heartbeat, which was fast, strong, regular, and a beautiful sound to both of our ears!

Little peanut at 10w3d...taking a nap!

As my OB was doing the measurements we talked about how it's normal for the baby to sleep and that everything was looking good!  She was happy and so are we!  Little peanut is measuring right on track at 10w3d (yesterday) and we couldn't be more thankful!  Thank you God for your continued blessing on our precious little baby!!

Just as my doctor was finishing up the ultrasound, little peanut decided to wake up and give us a show!  He/she was tapping his/her feet and moving his/her hands...doing a very happy dance for mom and dad!  Seeing our little one move around is such a sweet gift- I could have stayed in that room watching for a very long time!

My doctor finished the exam, printed the pictures, and then Lloyd and I asked our important question concerning delivery.  My doctor is near my work (which is 50 miles from our home) and delivers at the hospital close to the office.  I really like her and want to stay with her throughout the pregnancy but my fear was around being able to make it to the hospital for delivery.  She reassured us that so long as I can make the appointments then I can stay with her but that she likely would not be delivering our baby even if we could make it to her hospital (she's not there much these days).  This is great news in that I can stay with her all the way to delivery and then when we get to that day we can make a decision on whether to go to her hospital or to the one closer to our house (which is still 30 miles from home)!

Photo: Start the week with a prayer.  Even in a whisper, God hears it!

Have a wonderful week!When she left the room, we said another prayer thanking God for answering our prayers!  We feel so incredibly blessed, thankful, full of hope, and relief!  It's starting to feel like we just might be having a baby this December and that feeling is beyond words!  We were both overwhelmed with emotion, both having tears in our eyes! 

Yesterday was a day we had been hoping and praying for since we lost Joy and it's a day where we can finally move past some of our fears and really start embracing all the joy that pregnancy has to offer! 

Thank you, thank you, thank you God!  We know and trust that you've got this!  We continue to lift this baby up into your loving and powerful hands!  You are good and You are faithful!

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

10 weeks!

I am 10 weeks and 2 days pregnant today!  Today is also another milestone ultrasound appointment today and I couldn't be more excited to see our little peanut!!!

Sidewalk Prophets hit it right on the head!  God always gives beauty from our ashes!

If you're ready to give it to God, watch the official lyric video of their song, "Help Me Find It".

http://www.thefishla.com/MusicNews/Sidewalk-Prophets-Help-Me-Find-It-Official-Lyric-Video3Today is a milestone day because it was at this exact appointment that I learned we had lost Joy.  I went into the appointment completely naive and oblivious to how drastically our life was about to change.  I was completely blindsided with the news and devastated beyond words.  So many hopes and dreams for our little baby disappeared in an instant and we were left to pick up the pieces.  But through it God has shown us that He truly does work all things for our good and His plans are far greater than anything we can ever envision for ourselves.

Since that day I have been excitedly anticipating the day that I would be past that milestone.  Today is the day where we get to move forward.  This pregnancy is different and I hope and pray that this is our take home baby!

Just this past weekend we had a bridal shower for my Dianna, my brother's fiance.  First, she is just the most amazing woman and I truly could not be more excited for the two of them and their journey as they start their lives as husband and wives on June 28th!  They are truly perfect for each other and I have enjoyed watching their love grow over this past year!  And, I feel incredibly blessed to be gaining such a wonderful woman as my sister!  Wishing them many decades of love, joy, happiness, and the best of God's beautiful blessings!

The shower was at my dad's house so I got there a little early to visit with my step mom and help out where I could.  One of my relatives was there helping out as well and while we were getting ready she asked if there were "any updates on my body".  I really didn't know how to respond and just said, "I don't know" with a grin that obviously gave it all away.  I ended up telling her that I was 10 weeks pregnant and everything was going well.  She gave me a hug and told me that her and her husband have been praying for us.

We had lots of family present at the shower and early on one of my dad's cousins came up to me and mentioned that my cousin (her daughter) is pregnant and we will have another baby in our family.  It was actually perfect timing as the rest of my family was all gathered in this little corner near the Sangria.  I put my arm around her shoulder and responded, "Looks like we'll have two new baby's in the family this Christmas!".  Everyone looked for confirmation and I said "yes, I am 10 weeks pregnant!". 

It felt so good to let everyone know our little secret and to see their reactions in person.  Everyone is truly rooting for us and praying for our little peanut!  I feel blessed beyond words to have the love and support that we do!

God is so good!  He continues to shower me with grace, peace, faith, and love!  My prayer this entire pregnancy has been (besides asking for a healthy baby!) "You can, I can't- I lift this baby up into your loving arms!"  It's true...there's only so much that I can do and then the rest is out of my hands, my plans, my desires, and my control.  But God is the God who created the entire universe and works miracles beyond our imagination...I have faith and trust that He is Mighty and Powerful enough to bless us with a healthy baby if it's His will and His timing!

Monday, May 12, 2014

9 weeks!

Photo: Remember Who your strength is today and this week!Today I am 9 weeks pregnant!!  WOOHOO!!  We had our third u/s appointment last Thursday and everything is going so smoothly!  Our little peanut was moving around a lot!  At one point he/she moved it's arm and both the doctor and I saw it but Lloyd missed it.  The doctor tried "poking" me with the u/s (vaginal) wand to get him/her to move again but wasn't successful until I laughed about something.  Lloyd was able to see it, we listened to the heartbeat (which sounded a little stronger than the week before), and we left feeling very happy for another great appointment!

We also talked to my doctor about not doing the California Pre-screening Testing that tests for the risk of genetic disorders such as Downs Syndrome, Trisomy 13 and 18, and Spina Bifida.  Both Lloyd and I feel that we will not terminate a pregnancy under any circumstances and that by doing the testing it only increases the risk of stress and anxiety since it doesn't tell you whether or not the baby HAS the genetic disorder, only that it has a high risk for it (follow-up diagnostic testing would be required to actually diagnose the disorder). 

Basically, the only reason for me to do the testing is for another u/s towards the end of my first trimester (otherwise I would not have any appointments between 10 and 15 weeks).  My doctor agreed to do another u/s for me at 12.5 weeks so that I can decline the genetic testing!  Can I just say how much I really love my OB!?!?  She is really awesome and so understanding of my PGAL (pregnancy after loss) anxiety and concerns and does her best to keep my mind at peace!

Photo: Happy Mother's Day from all of us at The Fish 95.9!Yesterday was Mother's Day and it was absolutely perfect!!!  I woke up and came downstairs to a homemade card from Lloyd and a couple gifts!  Lloyd picked out a maternity dress and blouse for me from our little peanut!  It really was perfect, thoughtful, and so sweet of him to even do something to recognize Mother's Day!  I can really tell that he's so happy for us to be pregnant again and so ready for us to be parents!  He is honestly going to be the best daddy ever and I cannot wait to see him holding our little baby in his arms!

We also went to church yesterday and it was a beautiful service!  Our new pastor and his wife struggled with infertility for years prior to adopting their three children.  He gets how hard Mother's Day is for some women and he opened the sermon with a word of prayer for everyone struggling with infertility and/or losses.  I feel so blessed to belong to a church that understands how difficult the journey can be to have our family, especially when our plan does not match up with God's plan. 

Photo: Do you believe that God will take care of you!?Although yesterday was much different for me than last year's Mother's Day, I was also reminded of our journey to get to where we are today, was thinking of the two precious babies that we loss, and of course thinking and praying for all my friends I know that are still struggling on this difficult journey to start their family.

So, today we are very much pregnant and further along (with a viable baby) than in our previous two pregnancies and we are so incredibly thankful!  I love being pregnant (even though I am tired and nauseous all the time) and cannot wait for all the things I have to look forward to!  I cannot wait to see our little peanut again next Tuesday, for our June 5th appointment (final 1st trimester appointment!!), to start wearing my maternity clothes, to feel our little baby kicking, to find out if our baby is a boy or a girl, and to finally hold our baby in our arms! 

God is so good and He is so faithful!  During worship yesterday, they played "Relentless".  What a beautiful song and so appropriate for this journey!  God's love is relentless...He never gives up on us and He's just asking us to surrender to His will and His plan for our lives.  He hurts when we hurt and He's always present.  I can honestly say that it's God's relentless love that carried me through this past year and I am forever thankful for his love, grace, mercy, peace, and strength!


Monday, May 5, 2014

8 weeks

We are 8 weeks today!  We had our first OB appointment last Tuesday and everything is continuing to go smoothly!  Our little peanut is measuring right on track and has a perfect, strong heartbeat (my OB estimated around 130-140 bpm)!  We were lucky enough to get to listen and I am just amazed at how different (more human-like) it sounded this week compared to last week (at 6 weeks it sounded like high heels walking on tile)!

Here is a picture of our little peanut:


Little Peanut at 7 weeks, 2 days!  Amazing how much growth took place in just 1 week!
 


"God is light; in Him, there is no darkness at all." —1 John 1:5 (NIV)... designed by Dean Renninger...Both Lloyd and I are really getting excited about our little peanut!  With each passing day and each great appointment it's starting to feel more and more like this is our little miracle baby and I so, so hope this is true!  My friend even gave me some baby items (a couple chairs, a travel crib, diaper genie, etc) to take home and I graciously accepted!  I brought the items to our nursery and started cleaning up some things to make room for our little peanut!

Of course, being pregnant after two losses has it's moments of feeling scared and anxious.  I have seen our baby, heard it's heartbeat, and I have so, so much love for this little life already!  There aren't many things in this life that I have ever wanted more than I want to hold this baby in my arms sometime this December (the only things that comes close is marrying Lloyd and our other two babies!)! 

For the most part, I am doing great!  I feel pregnant and I am very hopeful and positive about this pregnancy.  But then, there are days like yesterday where I literally felt awesome and was worried that something was going wrong.  I did my best to fight those feelings of worry and to just be thankful that for one day I was able to eat what I wanted (for the most part) and had a decent amount of energy.

This morning I was reading Jesus Calling and it really resonated with me today:

Let us come to Him with thanksgiving. [Psalm 95:2]COME TO ME for all that you need.  Come into My Presence with thanksgiving, for thankfulness opens the door to My treasures.  When you are thankful, you affirm the central truth that I am Good.  I am Light, in whom there is no darkness at all.  The assurance that I am entirely Good meets your basic need for security.  Your life is not subject to the whims of a sin-stained deity.
 
Relax in the knowledge that the One who controls your life is totally trustworthy.  Come to Me with confident expectation.  There is nothing you need that I cannot provide.
 
I love that last part, "Come to me with confident expectation.  There is nothing you need that I cannot provide!".  AMEN!  When the negative thoughts come across my mind, I try my best to bring them to God.  I remind myself that God is good, He is faithful, He loves us, and He is for us!  I trust that whatever place He has me right now that He is working for my own good...I just have to keep placing myself in His presence and receive His perfect peace and know that He's got this!  He can, I cannot...this baby is in His loving, caring, all powerful hands!