Even If

 

 

A few weeks ago, in the Celebrating Joy post, I mentioned how this song is dedicated to the journey I traveled in the months following the loss of our precious Joy.  This song was a gift from God one day while driving in the car and I knew the minute that I heard it that it would be instrumental to my healing and standing firm in the goodness of God's faithfulness. 

This past week has been HARD, both physically and emotionally, but in so many ways the loss of this precious baby boy (name still TBD) is different from the loss of Joy.  Yes, the pain is raw and it hurts more than words can describe.  The sadness is very deep.  And the anger...it's what is keeping me from completely breaking down (I guess I'm just not ready to go there yet).

As I begin the journey of traveling down the path of grieving and healing, the BIG difference I am noticing is that I can see the light at the end of this long tunnel. 

 

 

You see, last time I traveled this road it was completely filled with darkness (at least in the beginning).  Although I knew and trusted in God's promises, I just could not see how God was going to use the loss of Joy as a "good thing".  But, He did...going through that chapter in my life forever changed me as a mom, wife, woman, and follower of Jesus Christ.  The journey grew me in ways that I would've never grown had I not walked that path...it changed my heart completely and for the better! 

And, it changed our marriage as well!  We are so much stronger today because we were able to walk this road together.  We were challenged with turning toward each other during a time when many couples tend to walk the path separately.  We grew closer through praying more together as a couple and as I shared this blog with Lloyd (he was able to really understand just how hard the loss of Joy was on me).

It's in knowing all of this that I now can walk this path, one step at a time, knowing that there is so much light in the midst and at the end!  I am fully confident that God will move me in new ways and continue to work in me.  Although I know that we have a long road ahead of us (grieving, healing, seeking answers through testing, and wherever else this journey takes us) there is a part of me that is genuinely excited to see where God is taking me this time!

Speaking of, Jesus Calling for November 19th offered the following message:

LEAVE OUTCOMES UP TO ME.  Follow Me wherever I lead, without worrying about how it will all turn out.  Think of your life as an adventure, with Me as your Guide and Companion.  Live in the now, concentrating on staying in step with Me.  When our path leads to a cliff, be willing to climb it with My help.  When we come to a resting place, take time to be refreshed in My Presence.  Enjoy the rhythm of life lived close to Me.

 

You already know the ultimate destination of your journey; your entrance into heaven.  So keep your focus on the path just before you, leaving outcomes up to Me.