Lift My Life Up

This morning as I was driving to work, I was thinking of where God has me right now.  The loss of our baby is starting to hit me emotionally as the physical part is slowly making it's way to the finish line.  I feel so lost and sad (and angry), not only for the loss of our baby but what it now means moving forward (healing- both emotionally and physically, testing, getting answers, and hoping/praying that our next pregnancy is successful).

Needless to say, I was in a pretty dark place.  I had an appointment with my OB yesterday and it was mostly filled with frustrating news.  There is still uterus (lining) in my uterus, we don't have the chromosome testing back yet (about one more week, so hopefully before Thanksgiving), we have not received approval to see the specialist(s), no trying again for 2-3 months or until we get approval from the specialist(s), and no sex for 2 weeks after the bleeding stops (I'm still bleeding and passing tissue so this could be a while).

While in this dark place, all of a sudden this song came on the radio.  I've heard this song many times before but for some reason it "spoke" to me this morning and lifted my spirit!  It's a reminder that as we move further and further along this journey, each step along the way causes me to submit more and more to God and His plan!  With this current setback and disappointment I definitely feel a sense of throwing my hands up in the air and saying "Take it all God...guide me along your path and let your will be done!".

 

 

Through all the trials, disappointments, setbacks, frustrations, and fears, God continues to provide and gives me strength to trust in His plan!  His plan is far greater than anything I can ever imagine and it's the hope that keeps me going!  I believe with all my heart that God will continue to move me and grow me through this process...and I undoubtedly believe that He will bless us with our baby that we will hold in our arms some day soon!

 

God has my whole heart, my entire life is placed in His loving and trustworthy hands!  As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for the Lord my God is with me!  Amen!