22 and 23 weeks!

Me at 22w6d

Wow, where is the time going these days!?!?  Today I am 23w2d pregnant and couldn't be more excited for where God has me!  I am extremely blessed and am loving every minute of being pregnant, especially when little Cameron blesses me with his kicks- they truly are the best!  So excited for our little guy and cannot wait to meet him in less than 4 months!

Other than being pregnant, we have been really busy with life lately.  The weekend before last we had a baby shower for some close friends of ours (they are having a boy too!), got to meet Lloyd's best friend's son Jacob (who was only 10 days old at the time and so very cute and precious!), and celebrated my dad's birthday and spent some good quality time with him and my step mom before making the trek home. 

On the way home we stopped at Walmart to stock up on our camping supplies we needed for this past weekend's adventures.  We also relaxed a little that evening by enjoying a little happy hour action at a local restaurant, American Road Trip (delicious burgers and great beer prices for Lloyd), and a movie to close out the weekend.

Lloyd with view from campsite

This past weekend we went camping!!  It was so much fun- so much so that we are looking into doing another weekend here in the upcoming month or so!  We went to one of our favorite destinations (Idyllwild) but stayed at a new site this time (we have stayed at Dark Canyon in the past and love it). 



View from campsite

We arrived at Marion Mountain Campground (which is also the start of a nice trek to the top of Mt. San Jacinto- a hike Lloyd and I have done 3 times, once being from this trailhead) on Friday around 12 p.m.  We were quickly greeted by the Forest Ranger who also had a lot of helpful information about the surrounding sites (he highly recommended Boulder Basin which is where we will likely go next).  Once done talking to the ranger we unpacked the car and setup camp before relaxing for a little while.

Sunset from campsite (Friday)

Later that evening we decided to walk down to Dark Canyon.  We knew it was about 2 1/2 miles but thought we would do it anyways.  It ended up being a long walk but am so glad we did it.  Thankfully we ran into a nice fellow camper at Dark Canyon who gave us some water as the campground does not have any safe drinking water and our walk home was all uphill with about 1,100 ft elevation gain.

Sunset from hike

Back at camp we made turkey burgers and baked beans for dinner, got the camp fire going, and watched a beautiful sunset!  We finished the evening with s'mores and relaxing next to the fire before calling it a night.

Love the pine cones on the trees!

Saturday was very relaxing...we mad breakfast, walked up the trail to an old log cabin, read part of our book together (And Baby Makes Three: Babyproofing Your Marriage), played cards, made lunch and dinner (sandwiches and tacos, respectively), relaxed, sat on top a rock and saw a beautiful sunset, and had a camp fire and made banana boats and s'mores.

Sunset from hike (Sat)

Sunday was more or less the same as the previous two days...we woke up, had some coffee/hot chocolate, packed up our stuff, did some more reading, and walked down to another campground (Fern Basin...probably our least favorite out of the three but glad we checked it out) before heading home. 

God truly has me (and us) in a great spot right now!  I am so so thankful for the journey He has us on and find myself daydreaming of all the things we have to look forward to in the upcoming months!  On my walks (which I try to take at least once per day, if not twice) I think about what my days will look like as a stay-at-home mom, the things I look forward to doing with Cameron (going for walks, hiking, going to the park, church, moms groups, library, and just hanging out at home), what our schedule might look like, things I want us to do as a family, etc.  Life truly is so good right now!  My heart is full of joy, happiness, and love!  All thanks to God who has brought me to this point in our journey and the blessing of being able to enjoy being pregnant and the hope and joy in meeting our son very soon!

21 Weeks!

Today I am 21w5d pregnant and little Cameron is doing just awesome!  I had an appointment yesterday with my OB and his precious heart beat is beating just perfectly! 

It really was a great visit with many topics discussed.  I addressed my hip pain that visits almost on a nightly basis, waking me up from my sleep and having a hard time going back to sleep afterwards.  She kind of laughed and said that it was normal and another thing we can blame on little Cameron.

We talked about his name and how we came up with it.  We talked about finding out that he is a boy and how proud dad's are of their little guys.  She also shared with me that she has two sons and daughters and it's amazing how enthralled little boys (and men of all ages) are with their penises and bodily functions while her daughters could care less about these things.

I addressed my concern over being tired all the time and she said that it was also normal but that we would test my thyroid again, as it was time anyways.  The results came back this morning and it's the same as it was two months ago, perfectly in the normal range!

We talked about little baby kicks and how I'm feeling little Cameron more and more!  She shared that I might feel him one day and then not again for a couple days and that's completely normal.  I also shared with her that our little guy is quite the stinker already...every time he kicks and I put my hand on my belly he tends to stop.  This has happened every time with Lloyd so far and it makes me a little sad because I want Lloyd to feel Cameron kicking too.  She suggested that Lloyd and I spoon while falling asleep (me in the back, belly on Lloyd's back) and that he might feel them that way (it was the only way her husband would feel kicks while she was pregnant).  We just might have to try this...when the weather cools down though!

We talked about finding his Pediatrician, classes she recommends us taking, when to schedule these classes, and what to expect in the upcoming weeks.  I also let her know about my work situation and how taxing it is on me with my very early hours (to avoid an even longer commute) and my hellacious commute (I live 50 miles from work and have to travel through some of the worst traffic in the nation).  She empathized and told me to keep her posted on how I'm feeling and we'll go from there.

She also warned me to be cautious of my weight gain.  I was up 9 lbs since my last visit 6 1/2 weeks ago.  I know that I was borderline but I also think that I was retaining more fluid, etc causing my weight to be a little more concerning that it should have been.  Either way, it was a warning that I will take to heart and be as diligent as I can be over the next few weeks.  I already exercise at least 60 minutes every day, sometimes more, and I eat pretty healthy so maybe just making some very small tweaks will go a long ways.  My goal going into pregnancy was to gain 30 lbs (this is what is considered normal as I was normal weight pre-pregnancy...ironically, the less you weight pre-pregnancy, the more they expect you to gain during pregnancy).  I'm currently up 16 lbs so hopefully I don't gain too much this last half.

At the end of the appointment she asked if I was feeling better and more relaxed about the pregnancy and I was happy to tell her that I am!  It's been quite the journey and it feels so good to know that we will have this little guy in our arms in 4 months or so!  It's also great to be on this journey with her as my OB- she truly is a blessing from God...I couldn't ask for a better OB and it's great to see her share in our happiness and joy!  Yesterday was one of those moments you pray and dream of when all the worries start to disappear and it becomes fun again, just like I envisioned when we started on this journey 2 years ago.  Her relief and excitement for us was clearly evident and it was so reassuring to know that we have arrived at that point where it's now about having fun and excitedly anticipating the arrival of our son!

Other than my appointment, I have completed our registry, we decided on our nursery theme and some of the decor, I have organized our baby shower invite list and provided it to the hosts, I signed us up for childbirth preparation class and our hospital tour, and we bought Cameron's first Bible!

God is so, so incredibly good!  I remember when we were walking through the darkest of times and friends/family/supporters would point out that someday we wouldn't hurt so bad.  That pain that we suffered for so long is slowly fading and we are inching our way to a place I honestly didn't know we would ever get to.  It's been a journey and one that I am so thankful for!  Yes, I miss my two other babies but there's a feeling that is indescribable now that I have Cameron...I can honestly say that there was a purpose for each and every tear and all the heartache- this little guy was worth the wait!

19 and 20 Weeks!!!

19w4d

WOOHOO!!!  We are just over halfway through our pregnancy with today being 20w3d!  We are so excited and thankful for how smoothly and perfectly things have been going!

Since finding out on July 14th that we are having a little baby boy (Cameron Lloyd) I have been busy working on the registry and figuring out exactly what we need for our little guy.  We are almost done but are struggling with making a decision on the nursery bedding and a convertible car seat.  We know that we will be doing a nautical theme for the nursery and the decision has been narrowed down to two choices.  Once we get that decision made the registry will be nearly complete!



Daddy's All Star

We told Lloyd's parents and grandma in person the following weekend.  They are all so thrilled for a little boy (Lloyd is one of three boys himself so his parents are used to boys!).  We had a lovely time visiting with them and enjoyed a great lunch together.  Lloyd's grandma was also very generous and gave us the money to buy our infant car seat and crib mattress.  So far we have been very fortunate in having very generous parents/grandparents and have received the crib, mattress, car seat, and know that the jogging stroller (which will also be our only stroller) has been purchased (by my parents)!  Oh, and my step dad found a great rocking chair that is perfect for the nursery!  Things are starting to come together!

Daddy's Handsome Dude

In pregnancy related new, I am feeling pretty good!  I really cannot complain and am enjoying being pregnant with our little guy!  Lately I am feeling him kick a little more and it's a feeling that I just love love love!!!  I don't think I will ever get tired of feeling his little kicks!  Other than that, I have my next appointment this Thursday...it's supposedly to go over the results from the anatomy scan (which we already know came back perfectly!) and to hear the baby's heartbeat (no ultrasound though).  I can honestly say that this is the first appointment that I'm not the least bit nervous for!  I have finally arrived at the milestone where I can breathe, relax, and fully enjoy the miracle and awesomeness of being pregnant!  So, so thankful!



Mommy's Little Peanut

Oh, and little Cameron already has some clothes!  I stopped by Babies R Us (BRU) on the way home from work the day following our anatomy scan and picked up some onesies for Lloyd (and Cameron!)!  I wanted him to have a special moment and have some outfits that are specifically for him and our little guy!  Originally I had bought them in newborn size and then realized that newborn size is only for 5-8 lbs which means he will either only wear them for a very short time or maybe not at all if he comes out weighing more than 8 lbs.  So, I exchanged them for the 0-3 month size so he can get more use out of them!   Also, my best friend was very kind and found the cutest little onesie for me!  I absolutely love it and cannot wait for our little peanut to wear it!

Life is so good!  Words cannot express how thankful I am to be pregnant with our precious son!  I am so excited to meet him (only 4 1/2 months to go- time is flying by these days!) and for all the adventures that we have ahead together, especially as I am so lucky to be able to stay home with him! 

18 Weeks!

Today, I am 18w3d pregnant! 

We had our big anatomy scan appointment yesterday!  Both Lloyd and I worked from home so that we could drive to and from the appointment together.  We left our house around 11:30 and made the trek to Kaiser in Anaheim.  The appointment was at the hospital, which is also where we had to go for our confirmation ultrasound for both our losses.

We arrived just after 12:30 pm, got checked in, and then waited.  They instructed me to drink 24 oz of water an hour before, so I did as I was told.  When we arrived at the hospital I was thinking, "Hmmm, not sure I really have to use the restroom.  Maybe I should drink more water?".  Thankfully I did not because within ten minutes I really had to go!

The ultrasound technician called my name around 12:45.  Yay for getting in a little early!  Things started off to a rough start as she asked where "our little one was".  I was confused and she noticed and responded that my chart says I was pregnant last year.  I told her, "Yes, we were pregnant twice last year but sadly both ended in miscarriages".  Lloyd's response was perfect...he said, "We have two babies in our hearts".

We arrived at our room, where she instructed Lloyd to wait in the waiting room while she did the work she need to do.  I asked her if she would be able to tell us the gestational age, heart rate, etc along with the gender.  She said that she could at the end when she brought Lloyd back in the room.

So, we started the long ultrasound.  I quickly knew that the baby was moving around a lot and was very comforted by that!  About 10-15 minutes later she let me get up to use the restroom (my bladder was very full!).  I tried to go as fast as I could but it was one of those times where my bladder was so full that it didn't want to release.  She even made a comment that she might have to go in after me.

We continued on and she was eventually able to get all her images.  She let me go to the bathroom again while she got Lloyd and then the fun began!  She showed us all things like the face, hands, feet, arms, spine, etc until we finally got to see whether or not our little peanut was a boy or a girl!



Our son (Cameron Lloyd) at 18w2d!!!

We had perfect timing and got a beautiful shot of little peanut, legs in the air, and a glimpse of our little guy's penis...there is no denying it- WE ARE HAVING A LITTLE BOY!!!  That moment was priceless and something I will remember for the rest of my life!  We are both so thrilled and thankful for our son! 

After the appointment we headed home, calling everyone on the way to let them know that little peanut did great!  While driving we also discussed the gender reveal party for our immediate family and best friends and decided that it was too much of a burden for everyone to get together for such a short time.  So, we made the decision to cancel the party and tell our family.  We told my dad and step mom first and then went to my mom's house later that night (after I tried to make cake pops for work and they totally failed).  While there we called my aunt and my brother (talked to him on the way home).  Once home we our neighbors and then tried to get some sleep since I had work early the next morning.

Everyone is so thrilled for us!  It's fun to be able to share this news of our precious son!

And, to continue on with the great news...I woke up this morning with an email from my doctor say, "Your fetal survey results showed that the baby's anatomy is normal, the fluid amount is normal, and the placenta is in a normal position"  THANK YOU GOD!!!!  Reading this email from her seriously brought tears to my eyes.  It feels amazing to know that our son is healthy and everything is normal!  It finally feels real, like the final weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I can finally relax and breathe!

Words cannot describe the thankfulness for the community of support that I have around me and us:  from my amazing husband, our family and friends, church friends, neighbors, and the amazing women that I have met during this journey through our online board!  Truly, your prayers, love, support, and encouragement are greatly appreciated! 

Last but certainly not least...THANK YOU GOD!!!  You have showered me with love, grace, mercy, and peace every step of the way!  Thank you for today and thank you for the wonderful news that our little boy is healthy and the peace that comes with knowing that he will be in our arms in a few short months!  Thank you too for every step of this journey, the good times and the bad times!  It's through it all that you have strengthened me and challenged me, slowly molding me in to the woman that I am today and the mother that I am for our son!  THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!

17 Weeks!

Wow, where has the time gone!?!?  Today, I am 17w3d pregnant!  Time is really going fast these days and I feel like we have a lot to get done with the registry (which is slightly overwhelming...there's too many options for little peanut!), meal planning for recipes I will be preparing in Oct/Nov, getting the house more organized to create more storage space, and getting the nursery all decorated and setup.  The most I've done so far is going to BRU and browsing for things I think we might register for and finding freezer crockpot recipes on Pinterest!

Other than that I'm feeling great, excited, and just slightly nervous!  I cannot wait for our anatomy scan next Monday to finally have a clean bill of health for little peanut and to know if we're having a boy or a girl.  For the most part I am doing great and feeling relaxed but I have had a few dreams and nightmares regarding the a/s and those have been hard (one of my nightmares was a couple days ago where we went to the u/s and found out that peanut was not doing well, wouldn't survive, etc...it was so vivid and I woke up with the same sadness I felt with our other losses). 

Thankfully, I am feeling really good about things and know and believe that everything is going to be okay next Monday!  In fact, I was catching up on Jesus Calling this morning and really like what it said on July 5th:

DRAW NEAR TO ME with a thankful heart, aware that your cup is overflowing with blessings.  Gratitude enables you to perceive Me more clearly and to rejoice in our Love-relationship.  Nothing can separate you from My loving Presence!  That is the basis of your security.  Whenever you start to feel anxious, remind yourself that your security rests in Me alone, and I am totally trustworthy.

 

You will never be in control of your life circumstances, but you can relax and trust in My control.  Instead of striving for a predictable, safe lifestyle, seek to know Me in greater depth and breadth.  I long to make your life a glorious adventure, but you must stop clinging to old ways.  I am always doing something new within My beloved ones.  Be on the lookout for all that I have prepared for you.

 



Happy Birthday James!

On October 21, 2013, Lloyd and I found out we were pregnant again!  It seemed like such a miracle and we were so confident that this was our take home baby.  We had a faith and hope like I've never seen before in both of us.  Even as the test results, spotting, and every other red flag imaginable was pointing to another loss we held on to hope. 

We saw the precious heartbeat on November 11th after 6 days of spotting.  The doctor said that it was "unexplained", that we had a strong heartbeat, and our chances of another loss was significantly reduced.  We left the appointment with instructions to continue on with life as normal (I was even allowed to run) with our only limitation being no sex since it could cause more spotting which would increase my anxiety and worry (but was reassured that having sex would not "cause" a miscarriage...it was all for my emotional protection). 

The very next day I went to the bathroom where I had a significant amount of red blood and a good size clot.  I emailed and called my doctor immediately.  There was nothing that could be done- we had to wait two more days for our regularly scheduled appointment.

It was a long two days.  I stayed home from work and put myself on bed rest trying my best to do everything I could to keep our little baby.  We woke up on Thursday, November 14th, anxiously anticipating our appointment.  We had hope and believed we would see our baby's little heart beating just as we had three days before.

My doctor came in, started to ask questions and then realized that we should just do the ultrasound first.  She measured the baby and I saw a EDD of 7/4/2014...a fireworks baby! 

But, immediately I knew something was wrong.  There was no heartbeat.  We had clearly seen it three days earlier and yet it wasn't visible now.  We knew it was over and we knew the next steps (go to the hospital for a confirmation ultrasound, decide how to miscarry, etc). 

This time was different though.  The doctors discussed that it was time to investigate why I had two losses, especially after both babies had a heartbeat.  This wasn't exactly "common" (we later found out that we fell in the less than 1% category).

I ended up miscarrying naturally two days later.  It was one of the most emotionally and physically painful days of my life.  Just typing this out brings back so many emotions of just how hard that day was.  I lost a ton of blood...that doesn't even do justice to what really happened.  The contractions were miserable, just like labor except with no happy outcome.  The experience was so bad that we should have gone to the hospital but I just wanted it to be over (and wasn't thinking clearly).  About 36 hours after the process started I passed the baby.  A few days later Lloyd and I buried it in our backyard.

A few weeks later we started the testing process.  The results came back as unexplained and that was a really hard pill to swallow.  I wanted answers, a fix, a guarantee that we wouldn't have any more losses.  But, we didn't and we were forced to try once more before seeking additional options.

So we did.  The only thing that changed was taking baby aspirin daily and progesterone shots (I did suppositories last time).  It worked!  Today is bittersweet...today is the day we dreamed of meeting our precious James but instead we are so thankful to be pregnant with our little peanut!  It's truly a blessing and I believe with all my heart that this is God's ultimate and perfect plan!

So, today we celebrate our precious James with fireworks and remember all the ways that his short time with us changed us and made us better parents and individuals.  His life had a huge purpose and he is greatly missed. 

Although I'm pregnant with my miracle baby, I still think of my two angel babies every single day.  I sometimes wonder if this will ever change and part of me knows that it won't.  But I do know that it won't always be as hard as this past year or so has been.  Grief is a journey and it's ever-changing...some losses you never get over completely.  I believe this to be true with pregnancy loss...it's a type of loss that forever changes you because of the love and dreams you had for your baby.  It starts out extremely difficult but as the seasons change you learn to cope with it and celebrate the hard days.

Happy Birthday James!  Your daddy and I love you so much and are so thankful for the short time we had with you!  We think of you always and know that you are safe in the arms of Jesus and we will see you someday in heaven!  Tonight we will feel your presence and smile as the sky shimmers with beauty!

16 Weeks!

Today I am 16w3d pregnant!  Life is so good!  Everything seems to being going just perfectly and I couldn't be happier!  Thank you God!

This past week was really busy!  Pregnancy-wise, not much has been going on.  I am excited to announce that I am getting the beginning stages of little baby kicks!  They are the most amazing feeling ever and I cannot wait to feel them more consistently!  Other than that, I still have evening nausea and my boobs must be growing again, as is my little bump!  We have our next big appointment on July 14th and we are hopeful to find out the sex of this baby!  If we do we will have a little gender reveal get together with our families and two best friends!  I cannot wait!

My brother married the love of his life and best friend, Diana, and I am just so thrilled that God brought these two together!  They are absolutely perfect for each other!  The wedding and reception was beautiful, taking place at Harborside in Newport Beach!  It was so wonderful celebrating their special day with them and friends and family!  

Sunday was my birthday!  The day started with breakfast with Lloyd, Dad, Linda, Greg, Terri, Jillian, Brenton, and Jera at RJ's Café in Dana Point!  I got the Cinnamon French Toast and it was amazing!  Afterwards we went back to my dad's and exchanged presents (including Father's Day and Linda's birthday).  I got a netbook and it's absolutely wonderful!!!

After leaving Dad and Linda's, Lloyd and I made our venture home.  On the way we stopped at Buy Buy Baby.  We made a decision on our stroller (BOB Revolution SE) and got some ideas on all things baby.  Next we took a walk in Laguna Niguel Regional Park (one of our favorites) followed by picking up my car at work.  Once we got closer to home we stopped at BJ's restaurant for dinner (salad, pizza, and pizookie!) before going by Babies R Us and Home Depot!

Finally, we arrived home!  Lloyd surprised me with a beautiful card and two presents (he wasn't supposed to get me anything as my anniversary present was supposed to be birthday as well).  Both were very thoughtful:  a chalkboard I've wanted for our kitchen to write out the weekly menu and a little wooden sign saying "peanut" for the nursery!  I love this man!  He is truly the sweetest, most thoughtful person I know and I am so blessed to be able to call him mine!  We've been married for 3 years now and I can honestly say that it just keeps getting better...every day I fall more and more in love with Lloyd!  He's simply the best!