God Sees The Big Picture

Church was absolutely perfect this past Sunday!  It really spoke to me and was re-affirming to the journey I am on right now.  Click HERE to listen to the message (Mike Frisch 2/24/14).

The gist of the message was "Would you trade what you want right now, not knowing if something better is in the future?"  The pastor talked about our "appetites" or the things that we crave or focus on that prevent us from enjoying life in the present moment and/or following God's plan for our life.

Being able to truly LIVE life while trying to get pregnant (especially when charting, trying for many months or years, after suffering through losses, and struggling with infertility) is one of the hardest challenges on this journey.  Lloyd and I are constantly having the conversation of, "Well, what if we're pregnant?".  This comes up in all areas of our life whether it be with work, finances, planning vacations, wanting to go on some adventures (especially hiking), etc.

At the beginning of 2014, we committed to living life again and planning trips, adventures, and things that we want to do, knowing that we might have to cancel if we are pregnant (particularly hiking Mt. Whitney this summer).  We recently made the decision to take a road trip to Colorado in June as well and we plan to have a Plan A and Plan B...things we want to do if we aren't pregnant and things we will do if we are pregnant.  That way we can still plan the trip and have fun regardless of the status of my uterus!

You see, my appetite is definitely the desire to be pregnant as soon as possible (and after our first loss it was to travel this journey as fast as possible, like sprinting to the marathon finish line!).  But, if I keep my focus and obsession on this desire then I will miss out on so much that life has to offer.  Most importantly, I will miss out on all the blessings that God has in store for me each and every step of the way. 

If God had answered my short-term, narrow-visioned prayers and allowed us to breeze through trying to start our family and/or prevented us from experiencing the deep, heart-wrenching pain associated with losing our babies, I would not have experienced the spiritual growth that has taken place over this past year.  In addition, my heart would not have been molded and changed in such significant ways...ways that continue to make me a better woman, wife, and future mother.  God used this trial as a way to truly bring me to my knees, praying and depending solely on Him. 

My heart is so genuinely filled with a desire to be pregnant and be a mother...but for now, I am called to submit to God's plan for my life and to be watchful for all the BIG ways that He's using my journey and story to not only change me, but to minister to others and bring them to Him!  I have no idea where God is taking me right now but I will wait patiently and excitedly to see how our story unfolds.  I have witnessed the amazing gifts that God has freely given along this path and I am eager to see how He will continue to use this journey to further His kingdom and bring others closer to Him!

I am praying for each and every woman and couple struggling with infertility and miscarriages.  This is such a difficult road to travel and I truly am so empathetic for all that walk this path.  My hope is that while we wait patiently and trust in His plan, that our hearts will be filled with so much peace and joy knowing that God is working all of this heartache and pain for our good!  He SEES the big picture that we cannot see right now...God is good, He is faithful, and He will guide us down the perfect path that leads to our destination!