Jesus, You Can Have Me

This past Monday's commute to work was a very great way to start this week.  I decided to listen to our local Christian station, something that I do very often.  But, Monday was one of those days that I just knew God was right there with me, showering me with so many blessings through the songs that were playing on the radio.

One of the songs was "You Can Have Me" by Sidewalk Prophets.  I had never heard this song before and didn't know what it was. So, I got on Shazam to figure out the name of the song and artist so that I could download it. I have been listening to this song a lot this week and find it bringing about a new sense of surrender and trust to God's plan in my life.

 

I absolutely love the following words:

 

If You're all You claim to be

Then I'm not losing anything

So I will crawl upon my knees

Just to know the joy of suffering

I will love You enough to let go

Lord I give You my life

I give You my life

 

One of the hardest parts of traveling the road of infertility (or any path of uncertainty for that matter) is letting go of the need to control, the urge to take over, and fully surrendering to God's will, trusting in Him every step of the way.  It's definitely a constant, daily battle of answering the question God is asking, "Will you trust me?"

 

Within moments of finding out about our first loss, God started moving in me in ways I had never experienced.  He has continued to move me and is constantly encouraging me to use this journey and my experience to minister to others.  It's through this journey that I have been tested and now have a testimony for all of God's goodness, faithfulness, His enduring and unconditional love, His grace and mercy that are sufficient to carry us every step of the way regardless of the circumstances, and His peace that surpasses all understanding.

 

God has called me to follow Him through this journey and it's my hope that I continue to listen to His wisdom and follow His path for my life, wherever that path might lead.

 

 In today's One Year of Hope devotional (titled "Losing Your Life"), the message was very similar to this song.  The author is telling of a conversation she had with a mother who had just recently lost her son to a genetic disorder at 2 days old (and the chances of future children having this disorder are high).  The mother has dreamed of being a mother for as long as she can remember and is facing the heart-wrenching reality that she might never have children of her own.

The author was reminding her that Jesus is calling her to surrender to all the hopes and dreams that she has for her life, trusting that God's plans for her life are so much better than ours.  Jesus calls us to take up our cross and to fully surrender.  It's not about adding Jesus to our life but about making Jesus our life.  It's about putting the plans for our life to death so that we can experience the abundant life that he offers.

 

I found myself really relating to the following:

 

"'Your son has given you an incredible gift," I told this grieving mom. 'He has given you the gift of being forced to reconsider the very purpose of your life.  Those who are sailing through a comfortable life at this point have not yet been forced to carefully consider their lives and surrender to their dreams.  But because you have been shaken to the core, you see clearly that if you cling to your own plans and desires, you will never discover the freedom and joy found in losing your life for Jesus.'"

 

When we lost Joy, the immediate question that God was asking me was, "Will I trust Him through this?"  My answer and desire from the beginning was and is to remain faithful and to follow God.  It's been a constant seeking of answers, wisdom, guidance, and surrender to God's plan.  It was in the moment of losing Joy that I was given the incredible gift and opportunity to reconsider my life and let go of the vision I had for my life so that I could cling on to God's plan for my life.

 

There is so much beauty in a life lived according to God's design and purpose.  He has created us each individually and uniquely.  Each and every one of us has a specific purpose in life and we are called to step up and fulfill that calling when God asks us to. 



God has used this journey to grow me and mature me in significant ways.  He has also called me to share our story and my journey so that I might be a light to those going through a similar journey.  It's a ministry that I am so thankful for.  There is so much joy and abundant blessings in being able to be there for others who are truly suffering, as I have suffered, on this journey.  The joy that comes from knowing that you are making a difference in someones life in indescribable. 

 

This is just the beginning of things that God is using this journey for.  Just as His words says, He uses all things for His good!  I cannot wait to see where God's path leads and what's next on this adventure!

 

What's God calling you to do today?  Are you willing to surrender, trust in Him, and follow His path for you life?  I can guarantee that simply saying "yes" and letting go is the beginning of a beautiful journey that He will take you on!