Joshua 1:9

I was blessed to receive this verse a few months ago while walking on my lunch break.  It was right around Cycle 5 when things hit rock bottom...needless to say, it provided great comfort and encouragement to pave the way to better days!

 

 



 

 

It's been almost 3 weeks now since we found out about losing precious James.  Some days I'm surprised at how well I'm doing and then there are days like the past few that are filled with intense pain, sadness, depression, anger, and desiring answers but feeling like the process couldn't possibly be moving any slower (we still do not have the results from the chromosome testing and the referral has yet to be approved).

 

The one constant so far is that I'm at peace and full of confidence that we will some day have our baby!  In a time where I could be questioning "will we ever be parents" I am moving along this path with confidence and peace that we will be parents one day (even understanding that we might suffer more losses before we get there).

 

The fear and anxiety about "will we get pregnant again", "how long will it take", and "how much longer do we have to wait" are no longer questions that I'm concerned with.  I honestly feel that I have released it all into God's hands, not feeling the need to be pregnant right now and finding comfort in relaxing on the truth that we will be pregnant again in God's perfect timing!

 

My focus for now is trying to take back control over my life (where the journey to start our family has consumed our priorities) and start living life again! 

 

I am running again and enjoying it!  I want to plan a trip to the Grand Canyon for March/April and hike Rim-to-Rim with Lloyd (this is on our "bucket list")!  We are also talking about planning a trip for our anniversary in June and trying to get permits to hike Mount Whitney in July.  In addition to all of these fun adventures that we have to look forward to (I believe this to be an important ingredient in the healing process), I am praying about my job situation and seeking guidance.

 

Although I do not know how long and rough this road ahead may be, I do know that God is and will be with me EVERY step of the way!  He has traveled this road, He knows every bump along the way, He provides me strength to endure, and He will greet me at the finish line!