If It Be Your Will

Today's devotional from The One Year Book of Hope really spoke to me. 

"Often I see the body of Christ put so much into pursuing God for physical healing. With great boldness and passion and persistence, we cry out to God, begging for healing of the body. And in these prayers, there is often a tiny P.S. added at the end where we say, 'If it be your will.' But shouldn't we switch that around? Shouldn't we cry out to God with boldness and passion and persistence in a prayer that says, 'God, would you please accomplish your will? Would you give me a willing heart to embrace your plan and your purpose? Would you mold me into an instrument that you can use to accomplish what you have in mind?' And then, perhaps, we could add a tiny P.S. that says, 'If that includes healing, we will be grateful.'"



So often I have prayed for me to be pregnant in any given cycle (let's be honest, it's been an almost daily prayer and desire of my heart since we started this adventure in July 2012) or for physical healing (and emotional too) from the miscarriages and/or anything else that might be going on in my uterus. 

It wasn't until recently that I have changed my prayers to be more consistent in praying for God's will and His perfect timing over my need and desire to be pregnant.  Today, the prayer is more of a "I trust You and Your timing.  Please give me peace and patience while I wait for your answer.  You know the desire of my heart and how much I would love to be pregnant, so if that's You will, I will be so thankful".

This has been an area of honest struggle for me.  As a follower of Jesus I know and believe that He can make any and all miracles happen.  He can answer any prayer request that I give to Him.  And, He can do immeasurably more than I could ever ask.  Even after many months of praying for a healthy pregnancy and baby and not having these prayers answered, I still believe this with all that I am.

It was just before our last pregnancy, maybe around August or September 2013, when I fully surrendered this entire journey to God and got to the place where I was truly able to pray for God's will over my own (I might have prayed it before but my heart did not catch up until around this time frame).  And when I started praying that prayer, there was a relief, a heavy burden lifted off my shoulders and a sense of peace and strength that came with it.  I had not felt so much peace and reassurance in so long and it felt great!  It's because of that that I continue to pray for God's will and focus my prayers on receiving His peace and His guidance while I wait.  I want God to do His work in me during this time, whatever path that might lead to.

But, in recent months the struggle has been reversed and I have started questioning my prayer.  Am I praying for us to be pregnant enough?  Sometimes this request does not make it into my prayers these days because I am so focused on wanting God's will and am trusting that He knows the desires of my heart (which He does!).  But, God's Word tells us that we are to ask Him for what we want and He will grant us the desires of our heart.

It's all about priorities and balance and this devotional was a great reminder that while praying for God's will we can also ask Him to answer the prayers of our heart!